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This Is My Addiction And I’m Proud

I mean, wouldn’t you be addicted as well? Continue reading This Is My Addiction And I’m Proud

Farah AyaadNovember 8, 2017June 1, 2018Leave a comment

I’m Choosing My Brain Over Following My Heart

My heart is golden, but my brain is priceless. Continue reading I’m Choosing My Brain Over Following My Heart

Farah AyaadOctober 10, 2017April 10, 20182 Comments

This Is What I’m Actually Scared Of

I’m scared that I will become a bad person. A miserable person, an unkind person, an abusive person, a dark person. Continue reading This Is What I’m Actually Scared Of

Farah AyaadSeptember 4, 2017April 10, 2018Leave a comment

2017 Was Horrible. But, It Was The Kind Of Horrible I Needed

It was a very dark time, a very stressful situation, a very hopeless and helpless feeling. Continue reading 2017 Was Horrible. But, It Was The Kind Of Horrible I Needed

Farah AyaadSeptember 4, 2017April 10, 2018Leave a comment

This Is The Man I’m Marrying

The one I can live without but choose not to. Continue reading This Is The Man I’m Marrying

Farah AyaadAugust 30, 2017April 10, 2018Leave a comment

Where I’ll Be, 5 Years From Now..

I see myself with people who see me. Continue reading Where I’ll Be, 5 Years From Now..

Farah AyaadMay 29, 2017April 10, 2018Leave a comment

101 Reasons Why I’m Crazy

35. I see the best in people. Continue reading 101 Reasons Why I’m Crazy

Farah AyaadMay 8, 2017April 10, 2018Leave a comment

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I’m bleeding. . You don’t see it because you don’t care. Or, maybe you do, but you also don’t care. It’s the saddest thing to be surrounded by all those people you love, all those things you’re grateful for, all those reasons you have to be okay, but you’re not. . You’re not okay because you’re tired. You’re tired of the injustice, the toxic energy, the judgment, the abandonment, the distance. You’re done letting stress rob your momentum, letting heartache overshadow your happiness, letting the way things work shape your future. . The world doesn’t love strong. The world doesn’t see beautiful. The world doesn’t embrace kindness. The world wants weak. The world wants evil. The world wants power, status and control. So, fuck yeah. I’m bleeding. How come you’re not? How can you be okay when the world constantly telling you that there’s something wrong about you? That you need fixing. That you need to do less, feel less, and eventually, become less.

“You are not in my way, you are my way.” A line Kate tells her mother in This Is Us that beautifully sums up my relationship with my mum. . No, I don’t have attachment issues because my mum is my world. No, I’m not blindsided because I will always choose my mum over everyone else. No, my mum isn’t holding me back because she’s a huge part of my life and future plans. And no, what my mum and I have is not a result of the life circumstances we lived, and it’s not related to the sacrifices my mum made for me. . What we have comes from the huge love we have to each other, it comes from the trust we have built through out the years, it comes from being a team, it comes from things I fail to name because it’s about the light you feel in your heart when you hear their voice, when you look them in the eye, when they hug you, when you know you have something no one can ever take from you, that something that stays with you for a life time. . People tell me to go live my life. But, how can I live a life without the one important person in it? How foolish of them to assume that a life spent with the person who loves you is a life not lived.

It was the summer of 2013. I was a few hours away from my flight taking me back to my reality. I was at my favourite place in Amman, the place that will always have a piece of my heart buried under its ground, the place I always ran into whenever I was seeking refuge, the place I go to at 3am or on a Friday afternoon. I remember the weather was perfect, not too cold, not too hot, and the air was playful, yet gentle. The sky was full of near by stars I could catch in my dreamy hands. On my left, I had the man I was madly in love with who I thought I would eventually marry. It was the moment you see in a movie that catches you off guard, melts your heart, sends your brain off to your fantasy vacation. And so I thought that that was it. That that was my moment. It was only years after that I have come to understand that life isn’t about those magical, perfect moments that sweep you off your feet. That life isn’t about an aha moment, the stars aligning or things making sense all of the sudden. The truth is, a perfect moment in life happens when we are most vulnerable, most scared, and most open. A perfect moment is out of our control, and outside of our comfort zone. And a perfect moment is something that you can’t create, it creates you. It changes your story forever. So, you want perfect moments to be your momentum? Take risks! Be brave! Keep your heart open!

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