This Is What I’m Actually Scared Of

Photo Credit: UnSplash/Jeremy-Bishop

Losing My Mother.

My mind cannot comprehend a life with her. My mum is my everything. She’s both of my parents, my sibling, the cool aunt, and my best friend. I’m scared to lose my biggest fan and ultimate support system. I’m scared to lose my source of happiness. I’m scared to lost my safest and warmest place on this planet.

Living An Ordinary Life.

I’m scared to wake-up one day realizing that I never made my dreams come true and that I never went to the places I said I would go. That I won’t feel the magic in this world. I’m scared that I will bury myself in a job instead of chasing after the meaning of life. I’m scared that my existence will go unnoticed.

Watching My Lover Die.

I’m scared of falling in love with the man of my dreams only to lose him. I’m so terrified to build a life with someone because I know that death can take it away from us in an instant. I’m scared that my child will grow-up without a father like I did. I’m scared that history will repeat itself. That I won’t get my happily ever after.

Forgetting Where I Come From.

I’m scared that I will get caught-up with life that I forget who I am. I’m scared that life’s challenges will make me second guess how strong, beautiful, capable, worthy I am. And that I will end-up in the wrong places with the wrong people doing all the wrong things. I’m scared I will stop believing in love.

I’m scared that I will become a bad person. A miserable person, an unkind person, an abusive person, a dark person.

I’m scared that I will forget about my purpose. About the things that inspire me to wake-up in the morning everyday. About the things that make me feel alive. About the things that add meaning to my journey.

Turning To Substance.

I’m scared that I will rely on drugs, alcohol, or sex to numb my pain. I’m scared that I will run from my problems and fears in life instead of facing them. I’m scared that I will feel too much that I will need something to make it disappear. I’m scared that I will lose myself to pain killers or an over dose. I’m scared to lose control in hopes to find it.

Photo Credit: UpSplash/jeremy-bishop

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