2017 Was Horrible. But, It Was The Kind Of Horrible I Needed

Photo Credit: UnSplash/Thomas-Kelley

My Mum’s Life Was In Danger.

She’s safe now. Everything is okay. That moment in my life was by far the worst because she is my sunshine. And without her, the world stops spinning and everything stops making sense. It was a very dark time, a very stressful situation, a very hopeless and helpless feeling. I learned the real meaning of my life and for the first time ever, I started to act on what my priorities are.

  • Always focus on yourself and your family
  • Your power resembles in what you feed
  • Don’t let distractions shy you away from your purpose

I Realized That The Man I Was In Love With Was A Fuck Boy

He was one of the fewest people who I opened up to. I really thought that what we had was worth it. That it was real and meaningful. It turned out to be that he was just not that different from all the people who disappointed me, hurt me with intent, and really just broke me. He wanted the idea of me but not who I am. He wanted to control me rather than to love me. He wanted me temporary. It turned out to be another fun yet painful experience. It was the most chaotic connection I ever had with someone; it was toxic and abusive.

  • Sometimes in life, we set ourselves up for failure
  • Never take shit from anyone
  • Don’t be too accommodating of others
  • Leave when you feel you’re with someone who isn’t right for you
  • Effort is the heart beat of all connections not love
  • Unrequited love and almost relationships are not okay
  • You can live without them

I Lost My Best Friend

She was one of those people who always inspired me to be a better person. We had the kind of relationship where we go months without talking but our connection always stayed the same. We went through a similar heartbreak that brought us closer. But it wasn’t long until we started drifting apart. She got a job that took all of her time and energy. I went through some great highs and real lows that changed me too. The distance started growing for me when I started noticing that she was not there to celebrate my happiest moments or even successes. With time and repeated patterns, it became evident to me that we no longer were best friends.

  • Some things in life are so beautiful but they are not here to stay forever
  • Relationships die without vulnerable communication and reliable nutrition
  • Tell the ones who matter the most how you feel about them
  • Invest time in those you love. Show-up for them. And allow them to show-up for you, too.
  • People who love too much deserve to be with people who meet them with the same quality of love
  • Losing people who don’t prioritize you is a gift in disguise

I Worked Two Jobs With Zero Savings

I worked an internship job that was completely out of my comfort zone. The pay was not much so I took on an another job. The nature of the second job made me feel alienated and like I didn’t belong. I tried my hardest at the time to expand my knowledge, challenge myself and brush things off. But it made me really miserable because it was not the right environment for me. Neither jobs were something that I was passionate about. It was only till the end where I realized how lucky I was. I struggled with financing and barely had savings. I felt discouraged for the most part because I was more than what I was doing. I felt stuck like I always have felt.

  • Push yourself out of your comfort zone. But, be patient with yourself
  • You don’t have to be friends with your coworkers
  • Money makes a job. Passion makes a career
  • Start with what you have. Make a plan to get to where you want. Follow it step by step
  • Your manager can turn out to be your friend

My Favorite Uncle Died

The one uncle who actually loved me passed away. He always reminded me of my father and his passing made me feel that my father, too, was gone forever. I still cannot believe it although I felt it approaching. I am still in shock, and maybe in denial. I will never forget the moment my mum told me. I felt so disconnected with reality and angry that no one told me. Now I really feel numb to anyone’s death in the family because to me, he was the only family left even though we haven’t spoken often and even though it’s been years since I had last seen him. But that didn’t affect the connection we had with one another because he really loved me and I really loved him.

  • Your family name does not define you

I Was Having Panic Attacks & Sleepless Nights.

With 2017 being the most fucked-up year of my life by far, I lost balance. I ran out of breath. I ran out of sleep because I couldn’t breathe. And I ran out of sleep because my worries and fears haunted me in my sleep. I felt the weight of the whole world on my shoulders that I did not have the strength to stand-up. I felt so alone, lonely and abandoned that I just wanted life to stop for moment.

  • The darkest times in your life eventually turn to be the brightest because they toughen you
  • The hardest times of your life can make you into a kind, compassionate and beautiful person only if you let them to.

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